Written by
AC and Chris Scott
Edited by Tracy Hamilton
AC and Chris give full credit to God for being the foundation of their marriage. They are a couple who have stayed committed to riding the storms of life together no matter what challenges their marriage has faced. Together they have written several books and have made Amazon #1 new release list in 2019. They have been married for 36 years and almost forty years together. They are parents to 3 amazing children and grandparents to five beautiful grandchildren.
They are Pastors of Church Beyond Walls Ministries, where they focus on bringing hope to the vulnerable and restoration to the homeless population in Georgia. AC and Chris are Licensed Paracletos Christian Counselors and Certified Life Coaches who have created "Loving You Until" (LYU) Marriage Ministry. The LYU Counseling name was derived from lyrics in the Scott’s favorite song for couples by singer and songwriter Ed Sheeran, "Thinking Out Loud". Specifically, this portion of the song….
"When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way,
I know you will still love me the same".
This is an area which many couples do not consider when they join in Holy Matrimony. People don't stay the same. It is necessary to ask oneself, can I love this person in any situation? It's in the VOWS or at least should be. For Better, For Worse, For Richer, For Poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. When challenges come and a couple is faced with having to live up to one or more of these promises, some individuals are left perplexed in keeping their commitment. Many couples will say "I didn't sign up for this". Marriage is a partnership between two individuals who come together to form one life in God!
AC and Chris have incorporated the teaching of the importance of knowing your spouse’s Love Language into their counseling approach. The Love Languages concept was introduced by Gary Chapman in 1992 and it has been credited as an extremely valuable "tool" in fostering stronger marriages throughout the World. It is imperative for couples to identify and study their spouses Love Language to understand how to effectively love that individual. If the love languages are not identified in a marriage and spoken clearly, it is like one partner is speaking Spanish and the other partner is speaking French. It is difficult to communicate effectively to one another and “walls” of misunderstanding become evident. The Scott's challenge the couples they counsel, to put their love language into practice, by making a conscious decision to speak in a manner that is understood by their spouse. This is also an exercise utilized for premarital Counseling as well. It is part of the tools for the "Marriage Toolbox,” before saying "I DO".
“Marriage is a Covenant between you, your partner and God, yet some feel they can leave God out of it,” says AC. “It is a commitment between two flawed individuals coming together with God, to operate as a single unit. Two imperfect people uniting to help fill the void of that imperfection.” The Scotts understands that their quest to help save one marriage at a time is a mandate from God and they love sharing their experiences over the almost 40 years together. They have faced challenges that could, and have led other couples directly to divorce court, but they made a conscious decision to remove the “D” word from their vocabulary.
Marriage is a good thing, and it is what you make it. Sometimes we measure how marriage will be, based on marriages that are not the best examples. The Scotts have observed that couples bring individual hurts, hangups and preconceived ideas into the relationship of marriage that can set the marriage up for failure. This process is known as Spiritual Formation. That little girl or little boy that still lives in us all, predisposes us to react to our spouses in numerous ways. Sometimes these reactions are good and other times, not so good. It’s important to keep in mind that God created marriage, and consider what he says in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man (Adam) to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
With much change in family dynamics, marriages are facing tremendous challenges in our society. God wants us to understand our roles as husbands and wives. More women are opting not to get married and staying single instead, inadvertently defying God’s plans for the family. Growing up we often heard the term "Marriage is a business ", but it's also a Ministry. We find that when a couple looks at their marriage as a business, they tend to treat it as such and oftentimes a lack of trust develops. Again, marriage comes from God and is biblically based. When we feel it is not going the way we want it too, we move to dissolution.
We are seeing divorce at an all-time high. Especially in the Body of Christ. We are now living in a throw-away society. Consider this, there was a time when we would see our parents and grandparents married for decades and they would not allow us to hear or see them in disagreement. The act of divorce was not an option. Let's compare marriage to electronics and appliances to demonstrate this throw-away mentality. Back in the day if the television stopped working, we would take it to the TV repair shop in the neighborhood. If a shoe heel broke, we took it down the block to the shoe repair shop. But today the mentality is "if it does not work, throw it away". Ego, throw-away the marriage too! It is critical to take time to put in the work and stop being quick to call it quits. Marriage is more than sending a note to the cute boy or cute girl saying, "will you go out with me?". This eventually was followed by another note saying, "I quit you". Let's stop treating marriage like its elementary school stuff. It’s for grown folks. There are questions that need to be posed in the premarital journey including “What does marriage mean to you?” This question will provide a broad insight into the individuals understanding of marriage. Another question a couple should ask the potential spouse can be taken from a classic song by Champagne:
"Some people are made for each other, Some people can love one another for life, how 'bout us? Some people can hold it together Last through all kinds of weather, can we?
Another excellent question to explore is “Who has been your greatest influence in marriage and why?” Another is “What are your expectations of marriage?” These questions are important because people tend to do what they have seen. These views can cause unrealistic expectations. We wholeheartedly stand firm on premarital Counseling being imperative before a couple is joined in Holy Matrimony. The couple must be equally yoked. This term refers to them sharing the same set of beliefs and values, regardless to whether mom and dad lived it. The spouses in a marriage cannot have two different concepts of marriage and expect to effectively navigate through life together. People tend to use the word soulmate; it is important to also remember the word "helpmeet". Keep in mind, the term "soulmate" cannot be found in the Bible and marriage is ordained by God. However, in Genesis 2:18 outlines that God gave Eve to Adam to be his "helpmeet". The definition of soulmate is someone who completely understands you and only God can know and understand us in totality.
Two key things to know is that men need RESPECT and Women need to be LOVED! The Bible gives key instructions to this...."Who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church” … Ephesians 5:33: “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
AC and Chris understands the calling from God on their lives to be marriage counselors and are walking in their assignment. They were inspired to move in this realm after seeing many marriages, especially in the Church end. Marriage is not always a cool breeze on a sunny day, it can be a raging storm at times, but the answer is all in the reaction of the husband or wife. AC and Chris credit their parents and grandparents for being examples. Not just examples in marriage, but examples of being strong men and women. Their grandparents held on, and divorce was never an option. They did not know divorce court or annulment existed. Over the years they saw the marriages of friends who got married during the same decade as they did, evaporate like they never existed. These experiences caused them to want to be a part of the solution in saving marriages and creating a strong foundation for those to come. Their own marriage has experienced its ups and downs and they have used those times to foster a stronger relationship with one another. In their counseling sessions it is sometimes necessary to share their experiences of the times when they wanted to call it quits (elementary school notes).
In their sessions, the couples they counsel are encouraged to take off the mask and be real. They do not hold back from sharing the truth and giving the truth. It is a space of “no holds barred” and each person is held accountable. It is a time to remove all the layers and get to the root of the problem. Addressing childhood experiences, for example, is key in getting to the real issues.
AC and Chris Scott can be contacted via email a wecounselcouples@gmail.com or call (888) 662-COACH TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT.
Check Out The Scott's In Game Changers Magazine 6th Year Anniversary Edition feating Regi & Pam Myles
Comments